She

She

I.
Pursue you I should not,
For I was banished from the lot,
Branded as a sinner,
My love grows not thinner,
You are the light
That illuminates my darkest night,
I spend many a night in my tower,
Pacing for many a hour,
In the dungeon is where I reside,
It is a shame it is love I am forced to hide,
The demons that possess the “pure”,
Successfully from truth they lure,
Alas, I was abandoned,
All because I was branded

II.
An angel is she,
The unworthy one is me,
I seek to capture her eyes,
Bound to banishment, my soul dies,
I long to touch her soft face,
Or to feel her everlasting grace,
Nevertheless I cannot disguise,
How I wish to look into her eyes

III.
From my tower I see a lake,
Sometimes she walks along the shore,
To greet her would be a mistake,
Nonetheless she is all I adore,
Sneak from the tower must I,
Or from heartbreak I will die

IV.
It is evening,
I am leaving,
Out the door,
Crawling along the floor,
And through the woods,
I spot the pure ones and their hoods,
The bat out of hell,
Is feeling unwell,
A cave is near,
Retreat into the darkness without fear,
Darkness protects me,
Best of friends are we,
At last the pure ones leave,
To the hope of her, I cleave
At last I reach the lake,
My insides violently quake,
Nothing can save me
For it is She.

V.
Her figure outlined by silver light,
Sends my heart into flight,
Though the flame in her I wish to ignite,
To offer her my heart would give her a fright,
Because our love would be forbidden,
It would be kept well hidden,
Over a rock, I trip
Blowing my cover, I let out a yip,
Fear and panic grapple at my being,
For it is me she is seeing,
Towards me she walks, with a curious tilt of her head,
Oh no, I am bound to be dead!
Ah, but what’s this?
Do I sense a hint of bliss?
Does she approach me with a smirk?
Attempting to escape my body goes berserk,
She has trapped me with her gaze,
Unable to move, my head can only raise,
To look upon her lovely face,
Once again my heart begins to race,
How long will I be here,
Until she regards me with fear?

VI.
At last she reaches me,
I am unable to flee,
She laughs, the most beautiful music ever heard,
I mutter not one word,
I shuffle into sitting position,
Ready again for the inquisition,
My sheepish expression of shame,
Causes her to feel the blame,
What was once light has turned to rain,
Seeing my face has caused her pain,
Her eyes express regret,
Something I will never forget,
She needs not to apologize,
For it was I who had caused the surprise,
Sensing my forgiveness, my shy essence,
She sits beside me, Oh her presence,
Her beauty under the moon,
Causes me to swoon,

Her mind…
Her body…
Her soul…
VII.
Quite friendly is she,
To remain here beside me,
Even though she knows why I was banished,
It was thought that I vanished,
Does she remember
That one dark December?
How does she know of me
When I have kept away from she?
With nothing to lose,
To utter the truth I refuse.

VII.
I believe it was seven years ago,
When the pure ones forced me to go,
Upon heresy I was convicted,
A crime most restricted,
According to them I was going to hell,
All of this said with a yell,
For it is sinful to love am member,
Of your same gender, hence December,
When I was found out,
Without a doubt,
That I was gay,
Soon to come would be my darkest day.

VIII
The shadow of my past ingrained on my skin,
Why does she not fear my sin?
I recall the torches and the mob,
With the intent of my life to rob,
They had promised me three days
Before I had to part ways
Alas, the folks did not agree
To let me go free
So they turned to their weapons,
The mob truly threatens,
Thousands of stones pelt the roof,
Several cuts on my skin are proof,
The windows shattered,
Leaving my flesh tattered.
I grab one possession
Hoping they will end their malevolent procession
Upon my horse I mount,
A lifetime of goodness does not count,
As I rode away
Soon to come would be the next day.

IX
Wounded and sick,
I lay in a crick,
With little desire to live,
My life to the townsfolk I did give,
They find one minor flaw,
That was all they saw,
My vision grew blurry with tears,
I was loved for years,
As I lay sobbing,
My cuts began throbbing,
I remember seeing
my beloved’s face prior to fleeing,
She was preoccupied
To win her heart I would have gladly died,
Alas death will take me soon,
And my corpse will lie forever under the moon.

X.
Darkness comes…
Angel with your lovely wings
Take me away from all cruel things.
No.
I am reminded that all is not well,
For it is I who must go to hell.
So will I lead an empty life
Cold and empty without a wife?
Or will I hear death’s bell
And descend to hell.
With both options bad,
Doomed forever am I to be sad
Lay in darkness still,
And let your heart fill,
For happiness is on the road ahead
For it you must not be dead.

XI.
My heart beats, I am alive,
My illness and wounds I did survive,
How I survived I do not know,
Away, life I shall never again throw,
Something odd occurred,
My vision is no longer blurred,
My pain has lifted,
Whoever helped me was certainly gifted.

XII.
As memories pass by,
I remember the night sky,
I feel warmth beside me,
It is She!!!
Returned to the present,
I remain loathsome as a peasant,
Curse those who shoved me into exile
I suppose it has been a while
There is a mysterious spark in her eyes,
I wonder if questioning her would be unwise,
A trace of warmth
A pile of guilt
A spark inside
What does she hide?
No words spoken
No silence broken
No voice heard
All is expressed without a word

XIII.
Two souls in existence
Acceptance and resistance
One longing
One belonging
United under one sky
Bound together until they die

XIV.
A gentle breeze brings chill,
To know what she is thinking I would kill,
I sense guilt
The suspense is making me wilt,
Suddenly she turns,
For her my heart yearns,
The love I feel, to my surprise,
I fail to disguise,
I cannot do so longer,
My love for her grows stronger,
Do I sense a flame?
One powerful enough to overcome shame?
A whisper brushes my ear,
So gentle one cannot hear,
Suddenly I see,
that she indeed loves me!
Such joy, such glee,
Cannot be explained by me,
With a delighted expression,
I end my love’s repression
Upon her lips I kiss
Filled with everlasting bliss
All those years
Of heartbreak,
Of watching her at the lake
Of being nature’s mistake
Matter no longer
For I have grown stronger
She is with Me
Forever happy we will be
I am free to see
What it truly means to be me
All because of She.
-Laura Hamada